1. Your classic response when someone points out how tired your looking
Expectation – tired? They’ll be looking positively comatose by the time you’re through with them…
Reality – you don’t like confrontation so you try to be bitchy in the most nice, restraint way possible.
2. The shade you throw when someone dares to question your fashion choices
Expectation – let’s just tear their outfit apart shall we? They better get ready to feel the burn…
Reality – annoyingly they always look impeccable so you end up having nothing to work with
3. The scene-stealing line you give to get rid of an obnoxious cold caller
Expectation – after you deliver this bombshell they’ll think twice before hitting the redial button…
Reality – your plan to be cool, calm and collect goes out of the window and you let the expletives fly
4. The witty retort you have lined up after someone gives an opinion that you hadn’t asked for
Expectation – that busybody better get ready to be taught a lesson they’ll never forget
Reality – as usual you say nothing and brood about it all day
5. The amazing insult you pull out whenever somebody serves you a backhanded compliment
Expectation – you hit back with something so eloquent it hurts
Reality – you can’t think of anything smart to say so resort to playground insults
6. Your epic response after your boss tells you that your work is below standard
Expectation – you let loose with this withering response. Pow!
Reality – You really can’t afford to get fired so you make do with thinking nasty thoughts in your head
7. When someone insinuates that you may have put on some weight
Expectation – two can play at that game fatty!
Reality – You know they weight less than an atom so throw out a self deprecating remark that’s worse than the one they dished out in the first place
8. When your best friend tells you something you do not want to be hearing right now
Expectations – they honestly don’t know who they’re messing with, I think it’s time we reminded them…
Reality – you can’t be bothered with all the drama an argument will cause so decide to just avoid them for a few days instead
9. When your significant other points out one of your annoying habits
Expectation – you can’t even begin to tell them how wrong they are right now
Reality – You secretly know they’re right but aren’t ready to admit it yet
10. The putdown to end all putdowns
Expectation – you’ve been saving this jem for just the right time and now you’re really gonna let them have it, they won’t know what hit ’em after this…
Reality – you forget your words and end up saying the first thing that comes to your head
A good put-down doesn’t happen often but when it does, it’s the kind of moment you’ll be basking in the memory of for years to come.
So don’t give up hope, the timing will be right one day but until then – THERE ARE ALWAYS SWEAR WORDS
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